In a previous blog “Planning for Life After Lockdown” we discussed how with restrictions starting to be lifted, we may start to experience barriers and temptations. We may be once again exposed to more indulgent foods and interactions with people that may not share the same goals. 

Due to these exposures, developing the skill of saying “no” can help us make choices that are aligned with our goals and help us create a positive, long term habit.

We understand it can be hard to say “no”, especially to people that are close to us. We sometimes feel rude or ungrateful saying “no”. 

Try thinking of it this way. If you say yes to everyone else, you may ultimately be saying no to yourself and your goals. Treat yourself like someone you care about and say yes to your future self - the person you want to become.

Instead of thinking of it as saying no to something, think of it as saying yes to something else.

Think about what you want most. Essentially saying yes to yourself, your goals and who you want to be.

Here are 9 Tips for Saying No:

1. Know your no.

Identify what’s important to you and acknowledge what’s not. Before you can say no with confidence, you have to be clear that you want to say no. Be clear what you’re saying no to, why you’re saying no and ultimately what you want to say yes to (yourself).

2. Be appreciative.

Thank someone for the invitation. Remember, you don’t need to say yes to show appreciation.

3. Say no to the request, not the person.

You’re not rejecting the person, just declining their invitation/offer. Make that clear, let them know you respect them. Saying no to the request doesn’t mean you care for the other person any less.

4. Explain why. 

Be honest about why you’re saying no. Communication can help others understand. 

5. Be unwavering if they persist.

Some people don’t give up easily. Give yourself permission to be just as pushy as they are. You’ll be stronger for it. 

6. Practice.

Choose some easy, low-risk situations to practice saying no. It sounds weird but building your “no” muscle helps. Even practice saying it to yourself.

7. Establish a pre-emptive no. 

Think about scenarios ahead of time, where you may need to be prepared with a no. Eg. a staff lunch or a family dinner.

8. Be prepared to miss out. 

Some of us have a hard time saying no because we hate missing out. Saying no isn’t just a missed opportunity, it’s a trade-off. Remind yourself that when you’re saying no to the request, you’re simultaneously saying yes to something you value more. Both are opportunities, you’re just choosing one over the other. You’re choosing what you want most.

9. Gather your courage. 

If you’re someone who always says yes, it will take courage to say no, especially if the person asking doesn’t give up easily. You may feel like a bad friend or like you’re letting someone down. Remember that you’re not saying no to the person. If they truly care, they’ll understand. 

As mentioned above, building your “no” muscle helps. The first few times will be tough, but once you’ve done it, it’ll get easier. Just like with any skill. Over time people will start to understand and accept your “no” and why you’re saying that. You may even then inspire others to do the same. 

Be brave, be prepared.

Remember when you’re saying no, you’re actually saying YES to yourself.

The 9 Tips for Saying No are based on the ideas written by author Peter Bregman in the book “Four Seconds”.