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The perfect body does not exist.
We might think that once we have achieved our physique goals, we will finally feel good about ourselves.
However, there is no guarantee that changing how we look will change how we feel about ourselves. (1)
You probably know someone who looks amazing yet is always complaining about their appearance.
You’ve probably even noticed within yourself that some days you feel okay, other days less so.
This is because how we feel about ourselves actually has a lot more to do with how we think, rather than how we look. (2)
The good news is that we don’t have to wait until we’ve reached our goals in order to feel better. We can focus on improving how we feel about our body alongside the changes we are making.
Why Do We Feel Fat?
Fat is not a feeling, yet we all feel like we've experienced it at some point.
Feelings of fatness have little to do with our appearance.
These feelings can fluctuate in intensity and frequency from day to day - sometimes you feel fine, sometimes you feel 'fat'.
(3)
The reality is that our bodies don't change that quickly. This just goes to show that it’s our mindset towards ourselves that might need some work.
Next time you feel 'fat', think about how you are really feeling.
What else is going on? Are you bored? Sad? Stressed?
Have you been comparing yourself to others?
Comparing Ourselves To Others
It’s common to compare our appearance to others, especially when we’re surrounded by those who we perceive to look ‘better’, stronger, or leaner than ourselves. Usually all this does is make us feel bad.
It’s rarely a fair or accurate comparison. We zoom in on the qualities we like least about ourselves and compare these to the best qualities of others - hardly fair!
Not to mention that a lot of these comparisons are biased. We are often looking at edited photos of extreme physiques that aren’t a reflection of reality.
We all twist and pose to show our good sides. We probably edit the photos too!
Spending a significant amount of time looking at other peoples’ bodies (either in person or in the media) is likely to maintain preoccupation with shape and weight. In addition, it encourages the marginalisation of other aspects of life.
It’s likely that you know this deep down, so it’s important to address it head on if you would like to change.
If you catch yourself comparing to others, try this exercise instead:
Compare yourself to every third person you encounter. What you will discover is that people’s bodies vary a great deal and that attractiveness is not directly related to muscularity or leanness.
Consider this too:
You are comparing yourself with others in terms of a single domain (i.e., appearance) rather than personality, intelligence, aptitudes, etc. It may be worth considering why you neglect these attributes.
Try this:
Reduce the frequency of comparison-making. Easier said than done, but try to catch yourself when you’re doing it and ask: Is this useful? What am I looking for?
Recognise that your comparison making is biased. You compare your worst to someone else’s best.
If you do compare yourself; try observing shape-neutral features (e.g., the person’s hair and shoes) and other characteristics (e.g., the person’s behaviour, sense of humour).
What Else Have You Got Going On?
When we’re focusing on our physique goals, it can be easy to forget about all of the other things we have going on for us. Having a great body is nice, but what else is important to you?
List the things that are important to you in how you judge yourself as a person.
Rank the items on your list in terms of relative importance.
Put these items into a pie chart.
Examine your pie chart and think about its implications; how much importance do you place on your weight and shape?
(4)
If you notice that your body is taking up a large portion of your attention, you may want to consider putting more energy into the other areas of your life.
Can you identify new activities or hobbies you may want to try? Could you be spending more time with friends and family?
It’s likely that you have a lot more going for you than you think. Bringing your attention back to these important things can help put your physique goals into perspective.
What Can Your Body Do For You?
When we’re scrutinising our appearance, we’re looking at our bodies from the outside-in.
Reverse it and try thinking of your body from the inside-out?
Without a body, we wouldn’t be able to experience the world. Learning to appreciate your body for what it is capable of doing is an important part of embracing your body no matter how it looks.
Things to consider:
List the ways you are grateful for the health of your body, even if it isn’t always as healthy as you would like it to be.
Appreciate that your body allows me to communicate and interact with others.
Acknowledge and appreciate when your body feels good and relaxed.
Be grateful that your body allows you to engage in activities that you enjoy or find important.
Respect your body for the functions it performs.
If you’re struggling with this, pay attention to how your body feels when working out. Think about the strength you are building or the skills you are learning. Yoga is a great example of how exercise can help you develop greater awareness of your body and your experience in the world.
We’ve created a simple exercise to help you work on gratitude and appreciation of what your body can do. Click the link below the image.
No One Feels Great All Of The Time
Remind yourself that no one feels great all of the time.
Feeling good about yourself does not mean feeling like a fitness model every minute of the day.
It’s actually a lot more about being about to go out and live your life as normal, even on days when you don’t feel your best.
We all have ‘fat’ days or ‘ugly’ moments.
Rather than letting that get us down, we can remind ourselves that our feelings change all of the time and these are likely to pass too.
We probably look a lot better than we feel, and our body is probably not as important as it feels.
Remind yourself that there are more important things than how you look and nobody is paying as much attention as you are!
It’s not easy to change how you feel and it may require an active effort.
Just know that there are many ways to feel good about yourself and we don’t have to wait until we look a certain way to feel good.
We can start right now.
Repeat it with us, the perfect body does not exist!
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References:
Cash, T. F., & Pruzinsky, T. (2004). Body image: A handbook of theory, research, and clinical practice. New York: Guilford Press.
Fairburn, C. G. (2008). Cognitive behavior therapy and eating disorders. Guilford Press.
Adapted from: Fairburn, C. G. (2008). Cognitive behavior therapy and eating disorders. Guilford Press.
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